Everlasting Love
by GinaGold fan
Summary: Smerry Fic. When an old adversary of Smithys' returns to Sun Hill, so does Kerry Young 4 years after her death. She has come to take Smithy on a journey through their past. Can she save him from the bitter man he has become since her death? plz r and r.
1. Chapter 1

_This is dedicated to my friend Amy who was the insperation behind the story, and to every Kerry and Smithy fan out there._

The relief sat in the briefing room waiting for Gina to start morning prayers. Everyone was chatting happily whilst Smithy sat quietly thinking. Gina had collard him as soon as he walked in through the Sergeants office door; she said she had something important to tell him, but unfortunately before she got the chance to tell him, Superintendent Heaton asked to speak to her urgently and had to take priority. He couldn't think what it could be but that would have to wait now as Gina had just walked in.

"Good morning everybody, how are we all this morning?" Gina said pleasantly.

Smithy listened to Gina as she gave the briefing over the next hour before she gave the announcement. She had hoped to tell Smithy first but it just wasn't meant to be.

"We have a new PC starting today, although when I say new he has actually been here before and some of you will know him already. His name is Luke Ashton and he will be paired with Nate. Right if there are no questions, get out there and give 'em hell." Gina said as she dismissed her team.

As he got up Smithy felt a hand grab his wrist. Gina pulled him back and waited for the rest of the team to leave before she started talking to him.

"Smithy I was going to tell you before about Luke but the Super grabbed before I got a chance. If it makes you feel any better I didn't find out until this morning myself." Gina tried to explain to a clearly very angry Smithy.

"What's he doing back here? He isn't the most reliable copper and I certainly don't want him watching my back. First he's here, then he's gone, he comes back for a second time screws up again and leaves again. How many times has he got to cock up before anyone will see sense?" Smithy spat angrily.

"Look you have every right to be upset, but behaving like this isn't going to help you, him or anyone else. I will try and keep you apart as much as possible; but you will both need to learn to behave like adults and put your differences aside." Gina said looking directly into Smithys' eyes, leaving no doubt in his mind that she was being serious.

"Ma'am." Was the only reply he could muster. He turned on his heel and walked towards the yard.

He had been paired with Tony for the day in sierra 21. Tony was already sat in the car waiting for him. He could tell by the look on Smithys face that he was not in a good mood.

"I can't believe they've let him back. Do the stiffs upstairs know what the hell they're doing?" Smithy started as Tony pulled the car out of the station and onto the main road.

"Come on Sarge, everybody deserves a second chance." Tony tried to reason.

"Yeah, well he got his second chance when he came back last time and he still screwed up. He messed up a lot of people's lives when he came back, particularly K..." Smithy stopped himself as the thoughts of the beautiful blonde PC flooded his mind.

He felt the tears sting at his eyes, but he couldn't, not here, not now.

"_Sierra Oscar to all units; attention to a disturbance in Canley market. Two lads are suspected of robbery. Informant is Joel Langley. Can any unit deal?"_ The voice came over the radio. Smithy welcomed the interruption.

"Sierra Oscar from 54, we'll take that, over." Smithy quickly said into his radio.

Tony drove towards the market with his blues and twos going off and arrived within a few short minutes. When they got out of the car there were four men involved in a fight. Two of the stall holders were trying to pin two teenage lads to the ground, but they were putting up quite a fight.

The two officers' ran towards them to break up the fight.

"Alrigh' break it up." Smithy shouted as Tony called for backup.

They both tried to pull someone off the other; luckily a patrol car was within a couple of minutes away. Two officers got out and ran towards their struggling colleagues. Smithy was struggling with one of the lads as he tried to lunge for his attacker once more. Smithy turned round to see who it was that was coming up behind him, and was enraged to see Luke Ashton.

Luke tried to help Smithy by grabbing the suspect but in the commotion he let him go. He ran past Smithy, but not before kneeing him in the groin causing Smithy to shout a lot of profanities. He composed himself and ran after him. He managed to catch him and forced him back towards one of the area cars. As he walked past Luke, Smithy gave him the coldest glare he could manage. Luke knew he was in trouble, it wasn't the first time he had let Smithy down on a job, and he knew Smithy would be having 'words' later.

Once the two suspects were apprehended, Tony and Nate spoke to the stall holders involved in the incident. Smithy had made Luke go in the van with the suspects whilst he took 21 back to the yard. Nate had agreed to drive Tony back once they had collected the statements.

At the station, Smithy walked into custody expecting to see Luke but there was no sign of him.

"Em...Callum have you seen Luke Ashton anywhere?" He asked.

"That new PC? I think he went to the little boys room." Callum replied, not realising how appropriate the statement was.

_Ain't that the truth?_ Smithy thought.

He walked towards the male locker room and found Luke coming out of the toilets.

"Nice to see things don't ever change Luke." He said anger evident in his voice.

"Oh come on Smithy, it's not like it was deliberate."Luke tried to defend himself.

"What the hell are you doing back here? You're a waste of space, always have been and always will be." Smithy continued, ignoring the PC's comment.

"I came back because I wanted to come back. I was happy here until you came back and ruined everything." Luke said. He tried to sound tough but couldn't quite manage to sound as threatening as Smithy did.

"I ruined everything? You did that yourself by lying to everyone 'bout what you are. You ruined everyone's life and now you're back for more." Smithy said as he edged closer to Luke with his fists clenched.

"You can't face the fact that it was me who was with Kerry, you even ruined that for me." Luke shouted at Smithy.

Smithy didn't say a word but lunged at Luke, punched him to the floor and then slammed him against the wall.

"You twisted... you ruined her life, she was happy until she met you and you married her to prove a point. You blamed your split on her miscarriage, which was something that devastated her right up until the day she died. You never cared for her, not like I did. I loved her; I held her in my arms as she lay bleeding to death; I listened to her pleading for her life, telling me not to let her go. I never got the chance to be with her properly because of you. You might not have been the one that pulled the trigger, but she couldn't let herself trust anyone or get close to anyone. It was too late when she was finally ready to trust me, when we finally realised how much we meant to each other; and I will never forget what part you played in that." Smithy shouted at Luke as he released the four years of pain, hurt and anger that had built up inside of him.

He had never truly voiced how he felt, it was easier to deny it than to release it and have to admit that she was gone and wouldn't be coming back. Now he had admitted all though, he wanted to be left alone. His chest hurt as the raw feeling of loss came back to the surface; a feeling that had never gone away, but that had laid dormant and waiting for him to grieve properly.

Without saying a word he quickly released Luke before diving out of the changing rooms and out to his car. He didn't know where he wanted to go or what he wanted to do, all he knew was it had to be as far away from the station as possible.

He drove round the streets of Canley in a daze, he wasn't thinking about the direction he was heading in but knew where he was going. He pulled his car into the car park and was surprised at where he ended up. Now he was here he knew where he wanted to be, he knew he had to tell her everything.

He walked towards her grave stone and sat on the grass beside it. He read the words carved into the marble.

_In loving memory of PC Kerry Young._

_Beloved daughter, friend and colleague._

_You will be sorely missed by those whose hearts you touched._

Smithy read the last line over and over.

"Oh Kerry, you have no idea how true that is. I miss you so much, I wish I could be with you, I wish you were here." He said to her head stone as he finally released his tears.

"But I am here Smithy." Came the soft loving voice that Smithy had longed to hear.


	2. Chapter 2

Smithy turned sharply round in the direction of her voice. He didn't believe he was going to see her, he thought he had imagined her beautiful voice.

"Hello Smithy." She said as he stood in front of her.

He couldn't say anything; he just looked at her and couldn't believe what he was seeing. He expected to hear someone shout 'April Fools' even though it was September.

He looked at her and thought how different she looked. She looked... calmer, more relaxed... no heavenly. She was literally an angel.

"K...K...Kerry, is that really you?" Smithy stammered as he found his voice.

She walked over to him and slowly placed her soft gentle hand on his cheek. She then placed her warm loving lips against his and kissed him passionately. He embraced her tightly and didn't want to let go, he was convinced that any second he was going to wake up and she would be gone. She finally pulled away slightly but he still had his arms round her.

"Is that real enough for ya?" She said cheekily.

"I don't know might need a little more convincing." He replied with a smile.

She smiled back at him, but then her smile faded when she saw the look of sadness return to his already tear stained face.

"What's the matter?" She asked.

"Why are you here? There must be a reason." He said, still holding her.

"You're right, there is a reason I've been sent. There's lots of good that you have to do here before we can be reunited properly, but with things going the way they are... the way you're going the way you are, all that good isn't going to happen. I've been asked to come down and show you some of the good that is in your life now, and some of what has to come. We will then get our chance to say goodbye properly because there are answers we both need to know." Kerry explained.

"Answers? Like what?" Smithy asked looking a bit confused as he sat on the grass and gently pulled her down next to him.

"Well things like, why didn't you tell Stevie Moss or Leanne Samuels about me?" She asked sincerely.

"I...I just couldn't. When I was standing in the hospital watching them trying to save Carly, it brought it all back. It was like watching you dying all over again and I couldn't cope. I really wanted to tell Leanne, but I felt like she was getting all of the support and all the chances to vent her anger that I should have had. I guess I felt that if I opened that can of worms I would just crumble. Then when I had to go undercover, I desperately wanted to tell Stevie to base herself and her background on you; but when it came to it, I don't know, I just thought it would be unfair. I thought it'd be like having you here again but without having you here. That's why I can't talk about you to anyone. Nobody understands how I feel about you; nobody was there when you were shot; and nobody was there when you died. I wanted to put David or Gabriel or whatever the hell his name was behind bars. I never got the chance, he made out after you died that you were a couple. I never believed it, but everyone else did, and then he announced you were carrying his child. Kerry I was devastated. The thought of what he did to you..." Smithy tailed off slightly as a fresh batch of tears flooded his eyes.

Kerry couldn't control her emotions either. She wrapped her arms round Smithys' neck and she also began to sob.

"I'm so sorry Smithy; I never wanted to abandon you. It is true though... about the rape. He knew I wouldn't press charges after he persuaded me to accuse you, his sick plan all along was alienate me from the people I cared about and then he did that to me. I couldn't report him, who would have believed me?" She explained.

"I would have Kerry. I would have stuck by you but only if you'd have told me; instead I had to hear it from Andrea Dunbar." He said through a mix of emotions.

"I know that now, but I didn't back then. When I look at myself back then I don't recognise myself. There is something you should know though. The baby I was expecting wasn't his, it was your baby... our baby, and he even took that away from us." Kerry explained.

"What, how was it my baby? MIT did a DNA test and proved it was Kents'." Smithy exclaimed.

"It was another one of his sick games. He saw me being sick on a couple of occasions and put two and two together; he must have been following me because I bought a home pregnancy test from the chemist round the corner. It was positive, but I made the mistake of throwing it in one of the bins at the station. PC Kent removed it and realised that it wasn't good news for him, it could have proved he raped me. When MIT discovered I was pregnant, Gabriel somehow managed to change the results so that it showed him as the father, not you. He knew that you were the real father; I guess it was also a way of getting one over on you too." She explained. "With him then making out that he was my boyfriend and the father of our baby, no one would believe he could be a killer. He made himself sound like 'my knight in shining armour', and that's his words not mine."

Smithy didn't know what to say. He couldn't believe that any of this was happening.

"I was going to be a Dad? Your baby boy was my boy too." He kept repeating.

"I'm so sorry Smithy I don't really know what else to say." Kerry replied as she held Smithy, and he held her as closely as he could.

"What do we need to do?" He asked suddenly, he looked different, determined, he wanted to put all of this behind him for Kerrys' sake and for his unborn sons' sake.

She took his hand and held it in hers.

"All you have to do is follow me. If at any point you want to stop, I will understand." She said as she looked into his deep green eyes.

"Let's do it." He said confidently.

With those words a bright white light appeared before them and the graveyard evaporated into thin air. Smithy had no idea where he was going or where he was; but what he did know was that the love of his life was with him once again and holding his hand lovingly and firmly.


	3. Chapter 3

Smithy felt slightly light headed as mist swirled round them. He wasn't sure where he was or where he was going but he felt safe, relaxed and at peace. He knew Kerry wouldn't let anything bad happen to him.

Finally his feet touched firm ground and he blinked repeatedly as he looked round his surroundings, instantly recognising them as the front desk at Sun Hill nic.

"Why are we here?" He asked a little confused.

"I've taken you back to July 2003, your first day as Sergeant and the first time we met. In fact..." Kerry trailed off as she saw Smithy walk through the door to speak to her.

Smithy hadn't noticed at first but stood in front of him, behind the front desk was Kerry alive and well and talking to Robbie Cryer. He found it strange seeing her in front of him and beside him at the same time; but even stranger than that was when he saw himself walk in and talk to her.

"_Kerry, I need you to come out on a job with me. 1 minute out the back." Smithy said to Kerry as she looked slightly flirtatiously at him._

"_Sarge." She replied with a little smile to herself as he left the room again._

Watching the scene in front of him was strange and made Smithy feel something that he was desperate to keep hidden, pain and longing. He felt her hand on his arm and it brought him round from his thoughts slightly.

"Do you remember this? This was the first time you spoke to me, I had seen you earlier in the day but when you said those simple words to me, I knew there was something different about you." Kerry explained.

Smithy gave a little laugh. "You'd only just met me and you were already flirting with me." He said.

"I'll never forget that first day. You really impressed me with how you cared about that kid in the car accident; but it was the way that you dealt with the situation that really impressed me. When you explained that you thought it was the bar manager who had been driving the car, because it hadn't been broken into or hotwired, I thought you were bright and smart, as well as being fit." Kerry explained with her familiar flirtatious smirk.

"Well I'm glad I did something right. When I first met you I didn't have any particular thoughts or feelings, but it wasn't long into the shift before I realised that there was chemistry between us." He replied as the white mist began to swirl around him once again.

He was transported to another part of the station. This time he found himself in custody, watching as drag queen David Wemmick left the station after making his complaint.

"Blimey, I remember this. I had to do some serious crawling to get that result." Smithy said when he heard the little speech he had spun.

"_Mr Wemmick, I think we got off on the wrong foot Sir." Smithy started._

"_Do you?" Wemmick replied a little sceptical. _

"_Yeah, I never meant to offend you and I am certainly not homophobic; and I respect the way you are willing to put yourself on the line to take care of your business problems." Smithy continued, lying through his teeth._

"_Has somebody put you up to this?" Wemmick said, dressed in a long sequined red dress, earrings and lots of other over the top jewellery._

"_No Sir." Came the innocent reply._

"_Well in that case, apology accepted." Wemmick exclaimed as he minced off._

_Kerry jumped excitedly once he had left, exclaiming how brilliant Smithy was and how Wemmick thought he had him by the nuts, and yet it really was the other way round. Smithy moved closer to her and explained flirtatiously that everyone has someone by the nuts._

"_Erm... there's some new forms in the FMEs' room that I think we should be using. Come on I'll show you." Kerry whispered seductively as she led Smithy away, much to the annoyance of Luke who was watching from behind the custody desk._

Smithy and Kerry smirked at each other as they both remembered what really went on in the FMEs' room. He looked slightly awkwardly at her but smiled.

"Well that was an interesting first day I put in, wasn't it?" He joked.

"Yeah it definitely was. That was obviously the first time we slept with each other and you were the first person since Luke and I had split. In those few hours we had been together, I had felt more relaxed and interesting than anyone had made me feel in months. Granted the FMEs' room wasn't the most romantic place to choose, but I had no regrets then and definitely none now." Kerry explained.

"Yeah I agree, but I did wonder if at the time you were just kinda using me to get back at Luke." Smithy replied earnestly.

"In a way you're right, but I did feel attracted to you and it felt great being able to tell Luke that I'd moved on from him. When I confronted him about it a few days later, I wanted a lot more from you than just no strings sex, but I was scared. I got the impression you were a really nice bloke but I didn't want to give myself to you and find you were an absolute pratt and ruin another relationship." She replied and explained to him exactly how she felt.

"Yeah I sort of figured that at one point. When I asked you for that drink that time, I really wanted you to come out with me but I didn't think you were ready to trust me. So I ended it before it got started to protect you. I was always trying to protect you." He explained solemnly.

"To begin with I just thought that you believed what everyone else did, that I was a slapper." Kerry said as tears filled her eyes.

"Kerry I never thought that of you..."

But before he could finish the sentence, the familiar mist and light headed sense returned to Smithy again.

This time when the scene changed Smithy wasn't so familiar with the surroundings.

"Where the hell are we?" He asked feeling very disorientated.

"We're in an underground car park, over there is your car and sat inside is the two of us." Kerry explained with a different tone to the way she had been earlier. It was a little colder.

She moved Smithy over to be closer to the vehicle so that he could hear the conversation. He saw Kerry unbuttoning her shirt and remembered the situation.

"_Kerry_ _stop it, you're behaving like a slapper." He said._

"_I love it, you're prepared to treat me like a slapper but don't like me acting like one, is that it?" Kerry replied angrily._

"Kerry when I said that... I didn't mean it the way it came out. By this stage I knew how I felt about you and about us, but I didn't want to take advantage of you or the situation. I wanted you to realise how you felt in your own time but I wanted you to know that I was there for you and that I cared; I was never good at expressing my feelings." He replied as he took hold of Kerrys' hands in his.

"I know that now but I guess in the early days we were very good at winding each other up." Kerry explained.

"All I ever wanted was for us to be together but there always seemed to be something in the way. A few months after this, you got together with Cameron Tait and that was seriously painful to watch. Kerry every time I saw you with him it was like someone was stomping on my heart one more time." He replied a bit more angrily than he had intended.

"I know that now but come on, there's more for you to see." Kerry began to say when Smithy pulled his hand from hers.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore. Being with you now and watching all of this is like rubbing it in, showing me what I was too blind to see before and now I can't have any of it." He said as he broke down.

"Smithy, you need to do this. You can't carry on the way you have been, and this is the only way to make you see sense." Kerry said caringly but firmly.

He looked at her beautiful angel features and couldn't say no to her. They held each other tightly as once again the white mist swirled round them.


	4. Chapter 4

When Smithy looked round him once more as the white mist cleared again, he found himself standing outside the Seven Bells.

"What are we doing here?" He asked.

"Well come inside and see." Kerry said as she took his hand and led him through the pub doors.

When they walked in Smithy immediately remembered this night. In front of them was a very drunk relief and an exceptionally drunk Smithy.

"Why have you brought me here? I mean, what has this got to do with us now?" He asked feeling uncomfortable and confused.

"This is important..." Kerry began to explain when they heard the conversation Smithy was having with Cameron becoming heated. "I never did find out exactly what happened between you two?" She said.

"He was banging on about taking you away for the weekend and how he thought you were the one. I'm sorry, but I was jealous and I couldn't hack it. I told him that you had slept with half the station, and that he shouldn't put all of his eggs into one basket." Smithy replied sheepishly.

"Oh nice, thanks very much. I should have realised Cameron was gonna find out about me and you but at the time... I dunno, I never thought you and me would ever go anywhere." Kerry explained as she stood back, watching herself with drunken Smithy knocking shots back after having a row with Cameron.

"Did you love him?" Smithy asked.

"Who?" She replied.

"Cameron." He said as he looked at her.

"Yeah I did but not in the same way I feel about you, it wasn't a 'forever' kind of love." She explained.

When they saw themselves leaving the pub they followed closely behind. When they got outside they watched as they argued.

"_You have no right to judge me, how dare you. What happened between us..." Kerry said angrily._

"_Was virtually a one night stand, and then you moved on to some other poor muppet. I was just letting Cameron know what he was letting himself in for." Smithy shouted back, equally as angry._

"_I'm happy with Cameron..." Kerry replied, but then what ever Smithy said back she never heard because she moved towards him and kissed him._

_They moved into the privacy of an alley way and kissed passionately, holding tightly onto each other._

As he watched Smithy looked apologetically at Kerry.

"I'm sorry about that night, I should never have done what I did, and I guess I did take advantage of the situation." He explained as he looked into her eyes.

The scene faded and the cemetery reappeared as Kerry sat him down to talk.

"Kerry, I need to know though what made you think I could ever do such a thing as rape you. I have always loved you but I would never have hurt you like that." Smithy said.  
"I know you wouldn't but Gabriel made me believe you had." She said as the white mist descended on them once more.  
This time Smithy found himself in some sort of alleyway and saw Gabriel and Kerry talking.  
_ "Well you were hardly in a position to think much about anything were you?" Gabriel drawled.  
_Smithy could feel his blood boiling as he watched Gabriel manipulate Kerry._  
"Well I was drunk, we were both trashed." Kerry replied.  
"Was he?"  
"How do you mean?" Kerry asked looking confused.  
"All I'm saying is, in the state you were in any decent bloke would have sent you off in a cab."_

Kerry held on to smithy as they stood and listened to the conversation. Kerry felt sick and could no longer bear to watch any more. The white mist formed again and she took smithy back to the cemetery.  
"Sorry I couldn't bear to watch any more. That night we were so drunk that the next morning I couldn't remember anything. When he started to suggest that I was in a worse state than you had been... I dunno...it just sort of made sense at the time I guess. The thing is, I can now remember everything in a lot of detail and I never once told you to stop, if anything I wanted it to happen, I wanted to be with you." Kerry began to explain.  
"Kerry, you should have known that I would never have done anything to hurt you. If you said no, whether I was drunk or not, I would have stopped." Smithy exclaimed.  
"Well Gabriel was very good at manipulating the truth but he kept pressurising me into making a formal complaint. He did all that just so that he could...so that he..." Kerry broke down into Smithys' arms and he held her close as he comforted her.  
"Shhhh, it's ok." He soothed, kissing the top of her head.  
"He did all that so that he could rape me himself. He knew that I couldn't report him after I dropped my allegation against you." Kerry sobbed. "The thing is I let him into my home that night."

"You don't have to talk about this if you don't want to." Smithy said, not wanting to upset her.

"But it's important that you know what happened and why. It was Gabriel who put it round the station that you raped me, and I hadn't wanted to make it official but he gave me no choice. When the bomb went off at the bank... it was because Cameron was demanding to know what happened between us, he started to walk away from me and in that split second... it was over. Gabriel stole the CCTV footage and then later blackmailed me into keeping quiet about him raping me." She said through her tears.

"If only I could get my hands round that evil bastard's throat. After you died I was hell bent on trying to get him." Smithy said angrily.

"I know you were, worst thing is he shaped who we are now. Cameron didn't believe me when I told him Gabriel raped me. Gabriel told him I'd slept with him willingly and that I was the girl who cried rape when I felt guilty. I couldn't prove he attacked me because no one would have believed me and I became obsessed with getting Gabriel for what he did. I grew colder; more cynical... I didn't like who I'd become, and my work then began to suffer as well. I once was good at my job but thanks to Gabriel I no longer cared about anything. I'd hurt and upset you, losing your friendship; I'd lost the respect of my colleagues and friends; I hated myself." Kerry tried to explain. Smithys' nostrils flared in anger and his fist was clenched.

"Why did you get involved with the Radford's?" He asked with anger evident in his voice.

"At the time I was feeling so low that I needed to feel... I guess wanted. I had Gina Gold constantly on my back; you weren't talking to me; Cameron had left and Rob Thatcher offered me a chance to prove myself to everyone. I was fed up of everyone being able to walk all over me and I was sick and tired of being the good guy. It felt great to be bad for once. Then when they were holding you, bound and gagged in a back room, I didn't like it." She said looking into his eyes.

"I went in to find and protect you. Instead I made things worse and nearly got us both killed." He smiled weakly.

"Yeah wasn't the smartest move. I felt strangely safe with you there though and couldn't help feeling that if I was going to die; I preferred it to be with you than anyone else." She said genuinely. "From then on I knew I had to find away to make you forgive me so that we could be together, I just wasn't sure how to do it."

"I'll never forget the moment I told you I loved you. I didn't pick the best time did I?" He said with a smile.

"You picked the best time to tell me. When I needed someone more than ever, you were there to give me support and hearing those three simple words was the release I needed. I just wish I hadn't left it so late to tell you how I felt." Kerry replied.

Smithy had a very sick feeling in the pit of his stomach when the wispy strands of mist swarmed round them again. As he had suspected he found himself standing outside the station just moments before Kerry was shot.

"Kerry, please don't make me go through this again. I can't do it... please Kerry... PLEASE." Smithy pleaded desperately.

"We have to go through this but I'm here, I promise." Kerry replied as she took hold of his hand.

Smithy felt the tears already stinging at his eyes as he watched the black cab pull up outside and Kerry got out.

"_My Dad's going to be ok." She smiled broadly as she ran towards Smithy._

"_Yeah I know." He replied._

"_I made a promise to myself if he lived. There are things I know...things that are going to mean big changes for a lot of people here." She explained._

"_I don't care about anything else except..." Smithy trailed off as he looked into the eyes of the love of his life, hoping she felt the same way._

As he stood there watching himself with Kerry, Smithy knew what was coming and he couldn't bear it any longer. The tears began to fall down his face as he watched.

"_Smithy, I love you." Kerry said with the largest smile on her face she could manage._

As the sound of gun fire was heard, Smithys' knees buckled from under him. He fell to the ground as he watched Kerry fall limply in his arms.

"Noooooo!! Kerry... Why... Why show me this again? Why put me thr..." Smithy wept uncontrollably as he let out 4 years of pain, anger and grief that had built up inside him.

Kerry dropped beside him and held him close, rocking him as she tried to comfort him.

"Please Kerry... No more, I can't take no more." He whispered.

She knew she had finally got through to him and now maybe he could go back to being the old Smithy that she fell in love with instead of the bitter, cold man that he had become.

She took him away from the scene as the ambulance arrived to take them both to St Hughes. Smithy was still crying uncontrollably when they arrived beside Kerrys' grave stone once more.


	5. Chapter 5

Kerry continued to cradle Smithy as he cried. Now that he had opened his heart to all of the pain again and was now letting it out, he was terrified he wasn't going to stop.

"It's ok Smithy, just let it out." She soothed.

"Why did you put me through that again? Why?" He shouted angrily through his tears.

"You needed to go through that to release all of your bitterness. Can't you see what you've become? You're bitter and angry and that's understandable; but why don't you talk about me to anyone?" She asked as he finally started to relax and calm down.

"I do talk about you." He said quietly.

Kerry gave him one of her familiar 'yeah right' looks before replying.

"When you did that undercover job with Wallace and Gatting as a gunrunner, Stevie Moss had to pretend to be your girlfriend. When she asked who you wanted her to base herself on, you said Louise Larson. Why?" She asked as she looked into Smithys' reddened eyes.

"It was... difficult. I wanted her to take on your background, I really did but... Louise was different; I loved her yes but never in the same way that I love you. You have always meant more to me than anyone else has or ever will do. When I heard you say those five wonderful words before you were shot, I can't describe how I felt but as soon as that shot rang out I felt like my world had just been shot with it. I remember holding you, trying to stop you bleeding and having to listen to you pleading not to let you die; Kerry have you any idea what that was like?" He said as tears still flowed down his face.

Kerry cupped his cheek and looked sadly at him, tears showing in her eyes as well.

"I know, I didn't want to leave you. I don't remember much after being shot but I remember you holding me, telling me everything was going to be ok. I was scared but you made me feel safe, like you always do." She replied with a slight smile. "It still doesn't explain why you used her instead of me." She added a little angrily.

"I know practically everything about you and I could have told Stevie so much, but that's what was difficult. To tell her and then explain to everyone about your life, it would have been like getting stabbed in the heart repeatedly every time; I'd have been acting like you were here and then have to face the reality that you're not; face the fact that I would never hold you again; never feel your soft skin or lips or hair. By not talking about you... it's almost making it like it's not real... I don't have to talk about you or have a nice memory and then remind myself that it's never going to happen again because you're no longer here. Does that make sense?" He struggled to explain.

Kerry did understand in a way, but it didn't make her pain any easier. She still hated the fact that he went off with Louise Larson and declared his love to her.

"Ok I guess I can understand that... but why Louise Larson? I mean what was the attraction with her; I'd only been dead a few months." She asked feeling understandably upset.

"At the time I was feeling so low and lonely all I wanted was you. Then Louise made a move on me and I let it happen because I guess I wanted some attention. At that moment I hit self destruct mode; I knew she was married and I didn't care, all the sneaking around and danger aspect of it helped me to forget I guess about how much pain I was in. I can see now that I didn't love her the way I thought I did, not the way I love you and the thing is I can never be with you now. When I told you I loved you, I had such plans for us; you know marriage, kids the lot and when I realised I'd never be able to have that..." Kerry cut him off before he could finish his sentence.

"Would you really have asked me to marry you?" She asked with tears running down her pale cheeks.

"Yes I would have done. I even planned how I was going to do it. I was going to cook you a really nice dinner at my place, have candles and the works. I'd planned to spread rose petals on my bed and round my bedroom with only candlelight to light it; I was going to take you through and let you see it, then get down on one knee and say 'Kerry, will you marry me?'. Of course providing you said yes, I was then going to lay you on the bed and make love to you all night. I wanted to be with you forever and I still do, but I'm never going to get that, we're never going to get that." He said as fresh tears ran down his face.

"There's no way I could have said no to that." She replied as she moved closer and held him tightly.

Kerry smiled and stood up pulling Smithy up with her. He looked at her feeling confused but he held her close and felt the silky feel of her dress beneath his fingers. He hadn't noticed what she had been wearing before, he'd been concentrating on the fact that she was here with him now. As he looked at her he didn't see the wisps of mist appear again as they were taken to a church on the edge of a forest. The sun was beginning to set and made the sky glow romantically.

"Kerry..." He began to speak when she put her soft finger against his lips.

"I wanted nothing more than to marry you and be with you forever; but it's not too late." She said as she glanced at the doors to the church.

He now realised that the white silky dress she was wearing was in fact a wedding dress and now he was going to get the chance to marry the woman he had always loved.

It wasn't exactly how he wanted to do it but he got down on one knee and said the five words he had longed to say for four years.

"Kerry, will you marry me?" He said proudly.

He felt as if his heart was going to leap out of his chest with joy as she naturally nodded her head. He stood back up and hugged her closely and kissed her passionately. Finally Kerry pulled away from him slightly with a smile.

"There's one thing I must do before we go in. Wait here and I'll be back in a minute." She said before disappearing in a glow of white mist and orbs as they swirled round her.

Smithy felt panicked for a minute when she disappeared. He wasn't sure she would be back, but within a couple of minutes the white orbs reappeared and she was there once more but this time with a small child.

"Smithy, I wanted you to meet someone. This is your son, our son." Kerry said as she held the youngsters hand.

Smithy felt overwhelmed at the sight of this little boy. He knelt beside him and looked at his familiar features, dark hair and green eyes. He was the double of his Dad except from his smile; he had his Mums' smile.

"What's his name?" Smithy asked choked with tears again.

"Dale. I thought there was only one name for him." Kerry replied proudly.

"Hello Dale." Smithy cried as he picked the little boy up and held tightly onto him.

"I can't believe I'm a Dad; but how?" He said sounding surprised and confused at the same time.

"Well life is life in Heaven and unfortunately when I died he died too, but he doesn't just stop existing because he was unborn it's like life carries on but without the pain and misery." She explained.

"Ah I see, makes sense I guess." He said sheepishly as if he should have got that straight away. Kerry smiled at him, neither wanting this moment to end as they enjoyed spending time as a family.

"Well Mr Smith, are you ready to make me Mrs Smith?" Kerry said as she encouraged him towards the church doors.

He walked in to the church and saw it had been decorated with flowers and ribbons. There was a priest standing at the altar waiting to marry them. They decided to make up their own vows there and then, and declare their love properly.

"Kerry, I have loved you from the first moment I saw you and I will never stop loving you, no matter what we face. You are the first thing I think about when I wake in the morning and the last thing at night before I sleep. You are everything to me and now I am giving my love to you and only you for eternity." Smithy said honestly.

"Smithy my world without you is nothing; I don't want to be away from you because it hurts every bone in my body and every fibre of my skin. I can't think of anyone I would rather be with than you from now and until eternity." She said as a single tear of happiness ran down her cheek. She wiped away swiftly and smiled.

"Do you Dale Smith take Kerry Young to be your lawful wedded wife?"The priest asked.

Smithy looked into her eyes and the amount of joy he felt at that moment he could not describe.

"I do." Two very simple words that would change so very much.

"And do you Kerry Young take Dale Smith to be your lawful wedded husband?" He repeated for Kerry.

She smiled broadly before replying. "I do." She said with a happy sigh.

"It gives me great pleasure to pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride." The priest finished as Smithy moved closer to Kerry and he kissed her passionately.

They made their way outside where they walked up a small embankment to a cabin that overlooked the forest and, as Smithy now realised, the outskirts of London. The cabin was large and made entirely of pinewood; it smelled gorgeous and every room was fully furnished with almost everything you could think of.

Smithy was still holding tightly to his son who was gurgling away and smiling. Kerry took him upstairs to a room with a bed and toys. She settled him down for the night before rejoining Smithy who had gone into the master bedroom.


	6. Chapter 6

The bedroom had two French windows which led to the balcony. There were soft, slightly see through drapes at either side. The walls were deep red in colour with soft wall lights which emitted a gentle, romantic glow across the room. There was a double bed placed against the wall on the right hand side as you walked in. It was covered in a cream and gold silky duvet with red trim.

Kerry stood in front of the open doors that led onto the balcony. It was a clear, calm night and there were no clouds in the sky, instead it was filled with thousands of gorgeous stars. There was a light breeze that was making the white drapes blow gracefully.

Smithy walked behind her and wrapped his arms round her waist, kissing her neck and shoulders and breathing in her scent. She placed her arms over his and moved as close to him as she could.

"Isn't that the most gorgeous sight you've ever seen?" She whispered to him, referring to the view from the balcony.

"No it's not; the person standing in front of me is the most gorgeous sight I have ever seen. The view comes way down on my list compared to you." He whispered back.

She slowly turned round in his arms to face him and placed her hand on his cheek. She looked lovingly into his eyes and smiled. She moved her hand from his cheek down his neck and he leant forward and kissed her passionately. As he did so he felt her hands unbuttoning his shirt and she finally removed it on reaching the last one. She brushed her hand over his toned body as he ran his hand over her bare arms.

As they embraced in a passionate kiss again, he gently pulled her towards the bed. They sat next to each other still kissing and looking into the others eyes. They both wanted this moment to last forever and were intent on remembering and experiencing every last detail.

Smithy slipped the thin straps of Kerrys dress off her shoulders, and then ran his hand up her thigh and lifted the dress over her head. As he was removing her dress, Kerry was undoing the belt on his jeans. He slid his trousers onto the floor before moving over Kerry.

He smiled at her as he ran his hands over her soft skin and through her hair. She ran her hands over his bare back and moaned as he gently pushed himself inside her. He raised himself slowly whilst looking into her eyes, before pushing down hard on her once again. She arched her back as he repeated the movement, sending shivers over her body. They moved in ecstasy as they made love for what felt like an eternity.

When they had both climaxed, Smithy carefully rolled off her and lay beside her with his arms wrapped tightly round her. He couldn't believe he had been given this chance to be with the woman he truly loved, but then he realised that this moment wasn't going to last forever. Soon Kerry would have to go again, and he wasn't sure he could cope with feeling that loss once more.

"Do you have to go?" He whispered as she settled her head on his bare chest and listened as his fast heart beat and heavy breathing began to slow.

"Yes I do, but remember that it's not forever. Like I said before, there's a lot of good for you to do here before we can be together properly." She replied sleepily.

Smithy didn't understand. In some respects he felt that the situation was being rubbed in his face, as if someone was saying 'here is what you could have, but we're not going to give it to you'.

"I want to come with you." He said suddenly as he lifted his head slightly off the pillow.

"You can't yet Smithy; it's not your time. I don't want to be separated from you any more than you do, but you just have to trust me." She explained as she lifted her head from his chest and looked at him.

"I love you so much Kerry, I can't lose you again." He said.

"You've got me for one more day yet. I'll explain more to you in the morning, but for now let's get some sleep. I promise I'll still be here when you wake up." Kerry added when she saw the look on his face.

He didn't Say anything more but settled back down with Kerrys' head on his shoulder and his arms wrapped round her. He was terrified to let go, just in case she disappeared in the night. He finally drifted into a peaceful sleep as he was comforted by the sound of Kerrys' gently breathing. For the first time in four years he had a full night's sleep, without being tormented by the visions of Kerry's tragic death, or the pain of his loss.


	7. Chapter 7

Smithy woke the next morning to find Kerry was still in his arms. He breathed a sigh of relief, _it hadn't been a dream_, he thought.

Her head was still resting on his chest and she began to stir as Smithy tried to move into a more comfortable position. She ran her hand over his bare chest and lifted her head slightly to look at him. She smiled and looked at him lovingly. He kissed the top of her head and then she moved closer to him, they kissed properly and more passionately as he ran his hand up her arm.

"Good morning." Kerry whispered to him.

"Good morning to you to Mrs Smith." Smithy replied. He still couldn't believe what had happened the previous night.

He had been terrified that he was going to wake up to find it had all been a cruel dream, and that none of it had really happened. When he thought about Kerry and his son having to leave again, his brow creased and Kerry looked at him with a worried expression.

"What's the matter?" She asked.

"We have to be separated again today don't we?" He said sorrowfully.

She nodded her head slowly, showing as much sorrow in her eyes.

"We get the whole day to spend together, you, me and our little boy. We should make the most of it, but you know it's not going to be forever." She explained.

He nodded his head in understanding but wishing that it could be now instead of an uncertain time.

Little Dale began to stir in the next room, so both Kerry and Smithy got up. They decided that they were going to spend the day like any normal family. Smithy went into his son's bedroom and carried him downstairs where Kerry was making breakfast.

Smithy put Dale into his highchair as Kerry passed him some toast to munch on. She then made Smithy and herself some coffee. She clearly knew her way round the kitchen and was familiar with her surroundings. This intrigued Smithy, he hadn't noticed the night before how relaxed she'd seemed in her surroundings.

"Kerry, where exactly are we anyway?" He asked as she opened a carton of orange juice.

"It's kind of hard to explain, but this is where Dale and I live. Nobody can see us, hear us or knows we even exist here. It's our own little piece of Heaven. The view looks right over London so I can keep an eye on those I care about; which means you'll have to watch yourself from now on Mr, or else I'll come and haunt you." She joked as she passed him a bacon roll.

"Oh is that a promise?" He replied.

They both laughed and then Dale decided to join. He had a proper hearty little boy's laugh that was very contagious. The more he laughed the more it made Smithy and Kerry laugh and vice versa.

After breakfast they went for a walk, Kerry and Smithy hand in hand and Dale was running around jumping on things and off them again. Smithy enjoyed watching his son play. He still couldn't believe that he was a Dad and that thought made him feel so proud, yet he had to remind himself that his son was in fact dead.

In the afternoon the three of them sat in the living room curled up on the sofa. Dale had tired himself out and was now fast asleep across his Mums knee. Kerry was snuggled up as close to Smithy as she could, and he had his arm wrapped round her as tightly as he could.

"Kerry, when you said this morning that you both lived here looking over London; does that mean I'll be able to come see you or even stay with you? I mean, why do I have to leave?" He asked as he desperately tried to find a solution so that he didn't have to leave.

"You can't Smithy, that's not the way it works. If you tried to find us or tried to stay then we wouldn't get this privilege. We only get to stay here because no one knows about it, but also because we don't have contact with our friends and relatives who are still alive. " She explained the best she could. "Can you imagine what would happen if all those who are still alive realise that they can sort of live normal lives with loved ones who have passed away? There would no longer be the life and death barrier.

"So how come I'm here then?" He said feeling frustrated. He really didn't want to go back to life the way it was and was prepared to do anything to try and keep what he had now.

"You're here because you were spiralling too much into unknown territory. As I said before you had become bitter and had never grieved properly. I was sent to try and help you back onto the right path which you are now on. You can now fulfil your destiny and then, and only then, we can be together without a care in the world." She explained.

It was now early evening and dusk was beginning to fall. Both Kerry and Smithy knew that as soon as it became dark they would have to be separated once more. They both knew it was right, and Smithy now understood why he had to go back to living a normal life, but they both hated the idea and couldn't bring themselves to talk about it anymore.

They spent their remaining couple of hours playing with Dale, who had woken a few hours ago and was full of energy once more. Smithy was running around the sitting room with him on his shoulder when Kerry grabbed his attention.

"Smithy I'm sorry, but it's time..." She broke off as the tears already began to choke her.

Smithy stopped immediately and the smile he'd had on his face faded quicker than he had time to catch his breath. He hesitated as he held his son in his arms and looked at his wife, who was holding her hand out to him.

"Come on Smithy, you know we have to do this." She encouraged.

Reluctantly he walked over to her and placed his arm around her waist whilst still holding Dale. Smithy began to cry as the white mist arrived for the last time to take him home. Once it had cleared he found himself in his flat surrounded by his belongings again.

He was still holding Dale and didn't want to let go, but he knew he had to so he slowly passed him to his Mum. Neither could find their voices to say anything. Kerry was fighting hard against her tears, as was Smithy.

"Well I guess this is goodbye then." He struggled to get out as he fought desperately against the pain and upset.

Kerry could no longer find the energy to hold back her tears.

"Let's not call it goodbye; it's just a 'see ya later'. And we will you know, I don't know when, I don't know how long but we will be together again one day and we will be a proper family." She said with staggered breath as the tears took hold.

"Well I'll see you later then." He tried to say with a smile, but his tears were also now so strong that he was no longer coherent.

Dale was sat in his Mums arms and also began to cry. Maybe he knew he was being separated from his Dad again, or maybe it was just because his Mum and Dad were crying; but all that could be heard for a couple of minutes was the sound of the three of them sobbing in each other's arms.

Before they knew what was happening the white mist and orbs replaced the forms of Kerry and Dale, leaving Smithy holding thin air for a second. His knees buckled from under him as they could no longer cope with the weight of his grief. He cried uncontrollably calling out Kerrys' name, but she never reappeared.

When he calmed down slightly he walked into his bedroom to his chest of drawers and opened the top one. He pulled out several framed photographs he had hidden of him and Kerry. When she died he hated to be reminded of her, but now it was only right that he be surrounded by her; he only wished he had a photograph of Dale.

He placed a small photograph of him and Kerry into his wallet, but when he opened it he found a picture of a 4 year old boy looking up at him. He removed it and turned it over in his hands. On the back Kerry had written '_love always K x'_. He smiled and whispered his thank you before settling down to sleep whilst holding one of his photos.

Smithy went back to work as normal except he was different. He was no longer bitter and angry like he had been before, but was now calm and at peace with himself. He still missed Kerry dreadfully, but every time he felt like he needed to see her or speak to her he would open his wallet and there they would, be his wife and son.

About a year later Smithy was involved in an investigation into the beating of a crack addict on the Jasmine Allen estate. It was suspected that he couldn't pay his dealer and therefore was taught a lesson. CCTV of the area where he was found ID'd Lewis Johnstone as his possible attacker. Gina, Smithy, Tony and Rodger were on their way to arrest him.

When they arrived at his flat there was no answer. Tony and Rodger went to search the rest of the estate whilst Smithy waited with Gina at Johnston's flat. They didn't have long to wait when he came marching up the stairs. As soon as he saw them though he disappeared down the flights of stairs quicker than Smithy could blink.

Smithy ran after him and heard Ginas' voice over the radio calling for Tony and Rodger to help. Johnstone was fast but Smithy was close behind him. They ran into some underground garages which were blocked by scaffolding and wire fencing.

"Look give it up mate, you've got nowhere to go now." Smithy panted as he tried to get his breath back.

"You fink so pig?" Johnstone replied as he grabbed a gun from the waist band of his jeans and pulled the trigger.

Smithy fell to the ground as the wound to his chest bled heavily. Johnstone ran off and it was few minutes before Smithy heard footsteps again. This time it was Gina running towards him.

"Oh my God Smithy no, not you. You've got to stay with me." She said as she tried to keep him awake.

Smithy was barely conscious and could no longer feel the pain. He could feel Gina cradling his head and talking to him, but nothing was really getting through to him. There was only one sound he could hear and that was the sound of Kerrys' voice.

"Kerry?" He rasped.

Gina heard him speak and call out Kerrys' name. She looked over to where he was looking but clearly couldn't see what he was seeing.

Kerry walked over to where he was laid hand held his hand.

"I've come to take you home Smithy." She said.

He smiled inwardly, no longer having the energy to do so for real. Before he left with Kerry there was one thing he needed to do first.

"Gina, I want you to do something for me. I want to be buried next to Kerry and I need you to make sure it gets done." He whispered with what energy he had left, before his breathing ceased and his heart stopped beating.

Kerry took hold of Smithys' hand and they disappeared together to finally start their lives as a family.

Gina was devastated by the loss of her closest friend and made a very moving speech at his funeral which was held about a week later. She had helped his Mother Pauline arrange the funeral, but she made sure that his final request to be buried with Kerry had been made possible. Once all of the other mourners had departed for the wake, Gina approached the fresh grave and placed her flowers amongst the others and read the words on their tomb stone.

In Loving memory of

Kerry Young

1978-2004

And

Dale Smith

1976-2008

A love that was lost but never forgotten

Truly an Everlasting Love


End file.
